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Topic: Gifting and TV (Read 186 times) previous topic - next topic

Gifting and TV
My dd has made some friends through school and church. One of her new friends is a child from a couple in our small group. Our group meets at this family's house. Every week, the friend is giving my dd a gift.
It has been little things but I do not want my dd to think that is what friendship is all about, receiving gifts. I also see how this little girls heart is and she just wants to give and may not expect a gift in return.
Some of the gifts are drawings, crafts that she did (homeschooled) and headband.
This is not the only new friend that is gifting things to dd, she has 3 friends at school that gives he things randomly but not on a regular basis. With this, I have her give something to them the next day because it is not every time they see each other so seems more manageable.
What is the best way to handle this?

Another issue with this family and group night is that the kids watch TV downstairs.  My dd only watches tv with us (no cable) or movies that we approve without us. When I go downstairs to get dd, the tv is on Nickelodeon and the little girl was watching Sponge Bob (which I find to be inappropriate) I asked DH to talk to his friend (the dad) but he did not. The next week there was no tv and the following it was Sesame Street. The friend keeps asking for dd to come spend the night. Which I am okay with but how do I express how I feel about TV watching and Internet time (the girls play on a phone but I not sure if the phone has service or not)
What is the best way to handle this?
Thank you
Kay
    Bride to DH since May 16, 1998
    Daughter May 14, 2012
    Two in Heaven Thanksgiving 2014 & Summer 2017
    Foster Parent 2010-2014
    Day Care Provider 2014
    Sold my first cake in 2017
    Member Since November 30, 2012

Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #1
I would think that it would be best to decline any invitations for your DD to spend the night at homes that don't share your values. There's simply no way to monitor what's going on, if you're not there.
~Ruth, wife to Tim since 11/6/05 and WAHM to Hannah (11), Micah (9), and Abigail (6)

Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #2
I talked to DH about my TV concern again. He says he will talk to the girl's dad about TV viewing. We will see how this goes.
Kay
    Bride to DH since May 16, 1998
    Daughter May 14, 2012
    Two in Heaven Thanksgiving 2014 & Summer 2017
    Foster Parent 2010-2014
    Day Care Provider 2014
    Sold my first cake in 2017
    Member Since November 30, 2012

  • Madre
  • [*][*][*][*][*]
  • Premium Member
Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #3
My thought is that your girl should just thank her friends for the gifts.  I think it's nice to reciprocate on occasion, but I wouldn't teach her that she has to give a gift because she received a gift. 

As far as tv, I think that you might develop another game plan for the kids to do during small group.  They need to have something to do/occupy themselves that's productive and/or fun.  Even if you brought a dvd?  Maybe you all could switch off and have group night at other homes, too? That way you could sort of show the other parents ways to entertain the kids other than tv. 

Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #4
My thought is that your girl should just thank her friends for the gifts.  I think it's nice to reciprocate on occasion, but I wouldn't teach her that she has to give a gift because she received a gift. 

As far as tv, I think that you might develop another game plan for the kids to do during small group.  They need to have something to do/occupy themselves that's productive and/or fun.  Even if you brought a dvd?  Maybe you all could switch off and have group night at other homes, too? That way you could sort of show the other parents ways to entertain the kids other than tv. 

I get what your saying about the gifts, it wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't everytime they saw each other. (The gifts are getting bigger.)  I also want my DD to know that she can have friends without gifts. Or have an attitude that if she doesn't receive something that they're not friends.

The group is to big to rotate homes and only 3 families have kids, This family has the most space to host. I have considered taking a DVD but haven't found time to talk to DH about it. If we weren't meeting at this house we would be getting a sitter or taking her to group care at church.
Kay
    Bride to DH since May 16, 1998
    Daughter May 14, 2012
    Two in Heaven Thanksgiving 2014 & Summer 2017
    Foster Parent 2010-2014
    Day Care Provider 2014
    Sold my first cake in 2017
    Member Since November 30, 2012

  • jen1981
  • [*][*][*][*][*]
  • Administrator
Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #5
It may be that her friends' love language is giving gifts. I love to give gifts, but don't really care about receiveing them. I wouldn't worry about having her give things back, just a "thank you" is ggod. :)

I think Madre had a good idea about taking a dvd, or if it continues to be an issue, you could go ahead and use your other care options.
Married to Andrew since Jan.2001, mom to Keith~Nov. 2001, Elayne~Dec. 2003, Eleanne~May 2006, Elysha~2009

Re: Gifting and TV
Reply #6
Yeah I stopped two random gifts today. One was a cup of bubbles and the other was one glove.
I let the little girl know as she was offering the bubbles, that DD had a bigger container of bubbles at home than her container but thank you anyway.  With the glove I did not realize it was gifted to my DD and I handed it to the dad. She said it was for DD and I said that DD has gloves and we didn't need one more. Which I may of not said that in the politest way but I really didn't want to take home one random glove.

What I did notice during all that was the little girl sees DD not as an equal friend but as a child to take care of. They are 14/15 months apart in age, with DD being younger. She has made comments about taking care of little kids before and I thought it was odd that she said it but now I see why.

DH never did talk to the dad about the tv but has decided that DD could go to the party but not sleep over.  Party is this weekend and we just got the official invite today (with time, date and location)
Kay
    Bride to DH since May 16, 1998
    Daughter May 14, 2012
    Two in Heaven Thanksgiving 2014 & Summer 2017
    Foster Parent 2010-2014
    Day Care Provider 2014
    Sold my first cake in 2017
    Member Since November 30, 2012

 
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